Why YOU Have The Desire To
Avoid Certain 'Outcomes'
Within Social Situations...
The Desire To Avoid Which IS
The Cause of Social Anxiety
Your desire to avoid certain outcomes
within social situations is THE cause of social anxiety.
I made this inescapably clear in my main article on the Cause of Social Phobia.
If you haven't read that article yet, I advise that
you do so before reading this one.
Why is it that you, of all people, possess
this desire to avoid certain outcomes in social situations? Let me
break it down for you...
beings (and all living creatures,
actually) only start wanting to avoid stimuli that we think might cause
If we recognize that something might cause
us some kind of
pain, only then will we build up a desire to avoid that something.
Does it make sense to you that the ONLY
reason you’d want to avoid a stimulus is to prevent that stimulus from
causing you pain? And can you see that there isn't really any other
reason that humans, nor any living creatures, would want to avoid a
...even if you only want to avoid something
because it will annoy you, that potential annoyance is still a type of
emotional pain; albeit very mild pain.
YOU have the desire to avoid certain
potential outcomes in social situations, because to you, those outcomes
would be painful. There just cannot be any other reason for having a
to avoid a potential outcome, in ANY kind of situation.
Potential pain is the reason that your
desire to avoid exists. However, settling for that answer alone would
leave a lot of questions unanswered.
Why does the potential for pain
exist for you in social situations?
WHY would certain potential outcomes
in social situations be
emotionally painful to you?
Our emotional state is decided upon by one
crucial factor: whether our thoughts are positive, or negative. When
our thinking is predominantly positive, we feel positive emotions such
as pleasure, and when our thinking is mostly negative, we'll experience
negative emotions such as pain.
the state of your thoughts dictates which kind of emotions you
will feel, can be found by doing a
Picture this: your favourite music artist
just died (sorry to be so morbid). Allow your mind to process that it
has happened (although we
really know it hasn't), and notice how it affects your feelings. If you
do this correctly, you'll feel emotional pain.
Run through this experiment now. If you
find it to be ineffective, instead do it for someone you're more
emotionally involved with than your favourite music artist.
The pain that you feel as a result of doing
this little test is a clear indication that it is thoughts (and not
reality) that dictate which kind of emotions you will experience. The
pain is an obvious indication of this, since in spite of the truth that
your thought about someone's death is an imaginary scenario, it managed
to affect your emotions negatively nonetheless.
What I am getting at here is this: things
that actually happen in life do not dictate the amount of pain you
experience. Instead, it is the nature
(positive or negative), of your thoughts that dictates whether or not
you experience pain or pleasure.
A particular outcome within a social
situation (or any other kind of situation) can only result in emotional
pain, if said outcome is able to alter your thoughts negatively. That
must be the truth, since if your thoughts aren't influenced in a
negative light, there can't be any pain.
We arrive at a new question about the cause
of social anxiety...
HOW do certain outcomes in social situations
the power to affect your thoughts negatively (and thus inflict pain)?
How could an outcome in a social
turn your thoughts negative?
How could an outcome in a social situation
send you into 'negative thought mode', strongly enough that you would
feel emotional pain?
Since you ARE yourself, your brain's
foremost attention falls on YOU. As a result, mostly in daily life,
your thinking, whether negative or positive, links back to you one way
Even when you have thoughts that aren't
directly focused on
yourself, your train of thought generally involves something that would
or could affect YOU in some way.
your thoughts are so fixated on
yourself (this is human nature), the negative thoughts that
you get, that spend enough time in your head to inflict emotional pain
on you, are likely thoughts about
That's right... Since your thoughts mostly
relate back to
yourself in some way, it becomes clear that if an outcome in a social
situation affects your emotions negatively, the negative thoughts that
cause the negative emotions, are probably negative thoughts about
Your patterns of thought are simply too
automatically fixated on YOU, for negative thoughts concerning anything
else, to be given enough airtime in your brain to inflict bothersome
Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that
the outcomes that you desire to avoid in social situations are capable
of making you feel pain because they would result in you thinking
negative thoughts about yourself.
Perhaps you already see clearly that
you frequently think negative thoughts about yourself. But never mind
What makes YOU so prone to having negative
thoughts about yourself?
You would only let negative thoughts
about yourself consume your mind, IF...
...the content of those thoughts bared some
degree of truth about you, in your own opinion.
You would not (and nor would anyone), allow
a thought about yourself to occupy your mind any longer than
momentarily, if you didn't think that the thought was true about
If you don't see the thought as true, you
will dismiss it quickly and think up a
totally new, unrelated thought...probably a thought that DOES bare a
degree of truth.
Here's an example of what I mean: Let's
assume that an outcome within a particular social situation results in
you thinking, “I barely have any friends”.
... That negative thought
wouldn't occupy your mind for long enough to inflict emotional pain, IF
you actually DO have friends. This would be because the thought does
not bare any truth, so you'd have no reason to continue to think it.
In contrast, if your opinion is that you
hardly have any friends, and the outcome in a particular social
situation results in you thinking, “I barely have any friends”, you
WOULD continue to think that thought for long enough that it inflicts
emotional pain. Why?
Because you'd see a strong element of
truth to it, so you wouldn't be able to 'shake it off', like you can
with thoughts that you don't see as being true.
Everything I've said up to now in
this cause of social anxiety article, means the following:
Certain outcomes within
social situations can lure your thoughts onto a negative pathway (and
thus inflict pain), because said outcomes would remind you of negative
about yourself that you understand to be true.
I've definitely got that right, since we
human beings do NOT let negative thoughts that we believe to be UNtrue,
get our attention for a long enough duration to cause emotional
If we don't think of a thought as true, what
reason would we have to
carry on thinking that thought? There would be no reason.
Certain potential outcomes in social
situations would remind us of negative thoughts about ourselves that we
believe to be TRUE; thoughts that we believe to be 'Negative Truths'
about ourselves - and those thoughts cause the emotional pain that our
desire to avoid exists to prevent.
Ultimately, YOU have the desire
to avoid certain outcomes in social situations, because those outcomes
would painfully remind you of negative thoughts that you already
believe to be true about yourself.
Our Knowledge That The Negative
You Have About Yourself ARE
The Underlying Cause of Your Social Anxiety,
CAN Help Us To Solve Your Social Anxiety
It is now clear that your desire to avoid
certain outcomes in social situations (which is the cause of social
anxiety) exists because those outcomes would painfully remind you of
negative thoughts that you believe to be true about yourself.
this has enabled me to figure out what the complete solution to social
Click the link in this sentence to be taken
to my article that will
introduce you to the process of overcoming
social anxiety. Of course, the process relates directly to
we've just talked about.
Perhaps You'd Like To Hear About
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social calmness that you'll build, will result in the annoying anxiety
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be able to give your full focus to conversations, meaning you'll never
be stuck for what to say.
If you're keen to know more about Social Anxiety Solved and how it
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